Go Fund Me: Humbling or Simply Played Out?

Let’s admit it: on average, you scroll across at least one Go Fund Me campaign a day via social media.  The stories can be heart wrenching.  A family is dealing with the sudden passing of a loved one and need assistance with a funeral.  A college student needs a little bit more money to cover the semester’s tuition.  Both needy causes, right?

Then, there are the ones that are absolutely insane: a woman asking for donations to cover her wedding expenses (Girl, bye!) I believe there was another campaign to help fund a young woman’s weekend in Vegas (Playa, please!) Both of these causes are not nearly as noble, but at least they are honest, right?! (*insert sarcasm*)

I can argue that it is quite humbling to share such personal information and be vulnerable to judgments when setting up a Go Fund Me campaign.  Questions about life insurance policies, or the lack thereof when a loved one passes away, can arise from Facebook friends.  There might even be questions about the legitimacy of it all.  Of course, it sounds good to say that once you give someone a gift, such as money, it is up to the person on how to spend it.  However, if you’ve asked for medical bill support, I might be salty if you use my money for an outfit…just sayin’!

There are some stories that make great fundraising stories, such as the father in Seattle who wanted to help with eliminating school lunch debt for kids at his child’s school.  He ended up surpassing that goal and even got more people to support the elimination of debt for students in the entire district.  I don’t claim to know why some campaigns are able to reach or exceed goals than others, but there is something to be said about causes that benefit a larger group of people versus one individual or family.

Finally, sharing a Go Fund Me page that you have not personally contributed to is something like a party foul.  No matter how many times you say it is a great cause, I don’t believe you until you put your money where your mouth is.   

All in all, I know that life happens and because of that, we have to deal with it in ways that we know how.  For some, that might include setting up a Go Fund Me campaign.  The way my account is set up, I couldn’t possible donate to each one that I see, even if my heart says otherwise.  What I do know for sure is, everybody got choices (*E-40 voice*), so you decide whether you can spare a few dollars for the cause or if you’ll keep scrolling the next time you see a campaign. 

Born Bright: A Reflection

I started reading Born Bright: A Young Girl's Journey from Nothing to Something in America by C. Nicole Mason on a Friday night.  While I made it through about 20 pages, I eventually found myself sleep and the book on my side.  Not because I wasn’t drawn in, but being the washed almost 30-year-old that I am, I can’t stay up past 10 PM at times!

I picked the book back up on Saturday afternoon and was done with the 200 plus page book by early evening.   The author recounts her life, growing up in California.  Born to a teen mother, she didn’t realize growing up that she was poor.  So many expectations, or lack thereof, were placed on her based on her skin color and socioeconomic status.  I identified with her the most as she talked about how much she enjoyed school and found solace in being the best student she could be. I, too, loved school and this is just another reminder of the impact that teachers and schools can have on the lives of students. 

As I reflect, there are so many elements of the story that pulled me in.  Despite the instances of doubt, struggle and pain Mason experienced, as a reader, I was ready for the silver lining, the wins she would experience, as well as the wins for her family.  I was ready for the moment where her mother began to show her love, for the moment when she would be saved from being violated by her stepfather, for the relationship between her and her father to be better.  Seeing the letters PhD behind the author’s name was proof that she had risen above her childhood challenges, but reading about the moments leading up to her arriving on campus at Howard University made me happy and excited for her and the many students in similar situations.

From the beginning of the book, I began visualizing Mason as a young girl, along with the places and people in her life.  I thought about how I could see her story woven in the stories of my own life and the lives of the students I have the opportunity to serve on a daily basis.   In working with students, I sometimes have to think of the privileges I have been afforded, such as attending a college prep high school, attending and graduating from college and holding a master’s degree..  I’ve been reminded on a few instances that some of our students truly desire to attend college, yet the process of getting there is so cumbersome.  It’s not just applying and being accepted.  There’s financial aid, persistence, retention and graduation – topics that each need their own posts to tackle.

What are my takeaways? To continue to listen. While it is important to have boundaries with students, it is also important for them to have cheerleaders for them along the way.  My boundary is that I don’t answer texts and emails after 9 PM, but I recognize the resource role that I play with students.

I am also reminded why it is important to ask questions and to be culturally competent.  One day, a student started sharing photos of her quinceañera with me and while I have a general understanding of the celebration, I took the chance to probe and learn even more.  That conversation grew larger as another student shared her perspective on why she chose not to have a quinceañera.  When students feel like they can be open and have trust in adults, it only helps relationships grow. 

I recommend that anyone who works with students read this book and stay in constant reflection on how they can continue the role of serving as a resource.  Our students need us and I’m committed to being there for them.

Shifting Priorities

A few days ago, I almost missed a friend’s birthday.  A legitimate “oh, sh*t!” once I saw a post on social media.  For about two seconds, I started to reevaluate my role as a friend, yet quickly remembered that everything was fine.  Any of my closest friends know that in the past and if nothing else, they at least would get a birthday card from me.  If we are close enough, their parents would get one as well.  Even better, their babies would get a gift from Auntie Crystal.  However, the way my life is set up now, a text is probably the best I can do and that is said with as much love as possible.

I had a conversation with my husband-to-be about this as even for his birthday this year, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Just a few years ago, 40 for 40: The Birthday Edition was created.  I reached out to his family, friends and fraternity brothers, persistently asking them to send videos of them sending birthday wishes. Simply stated: the best gift ever! In the years since then, I’ve always wondered how I would ever be able to top that.  He said more than once this year how much he appreciated the acknowledgment that he did receive on his special day.  I listened to what he had to say the third time around and by those words, I remember why he rocks: it’s the simple things that matter to him.

I’ve been able to reflect over the past few days and truly think about how I see myself in the relationships I have with others.  I usually come up with the ideas for family gatherings and celebrations and do my best to acknowledge the meaningful moments in the lives of those that I love.  In my reflection, I’ve come to terms with the change in relationships.  Distance makes a difference and life is simply different for me.  With a wedding to plan, a family to nurture, over 300 students to help steer into life after high school, plus have time for myself, I’m easily spent.  It is best for my self-care and preservation to recognize my capacity and work within that.  This doesn’t mean that those special occasions of my loved ones aren’t important anymore: it’s just that I cannot celebrate every event with pomp and circumstance.  Instead, I have to choose wisely. This works both ways: I know that life calls others to focus on other things as well and I don’t expect they will be able to support every thing that I have going on either.  

Bottom line: you get to make the decision about what is important to you at any given moment.  The priorities of your high school, college and post-college years are likely going to be different and that is perfectly fine.  Don’t get it twisted: when it is time for it to go down with my people, it goes down!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a date!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a date…

I saw one of my high school English teachers last week and upon looking at my left hand, she says, “I don’t think your fiance has any more money!”

We both laughed and I would agree that my ring is gorgeous, beautiful and I absolutely love it.  Usually, people want to know if I picked it out and I give all kudos to my husband-to-be as he did it all by himself! (High fives and gold stars all around :-)

Of course when news of an engagement is revealed, the next question is, “when is the date?” The cool part here is that we actually have one: April 29, 2017! The reasoning behind the date? It doesn’t fall within the traditional wedding months of May, June and July, but there is also a chance that the weather will be just right as spring kicks into high gear.  The other cool part of the day is that is my uncle’s birthday and before the date was set in stone, I was sure to ask him if he didn’t mind sharing this day with us.

As a bride to be, I definitely already have my Pinterest board on deck and even have all of my bridesmaids on deck.  I know that I am totally underestimating the enormity of planning a wedding, but I am actually looking forward to the process.

Nearly five months in and I think we are making slow, but sure progress.  Mark your calendars everyone. We look forward to seeing you in Kansas City a year from now!

P.S. Here is a link to our wedding website: https://www.theknot.com/us/crystal-nance-and-marquis-everett-apr-2017

On the road to #foreverett: Getting Started

December 19th will always be a special day, as my now fiance earned his degree and we also got engaged!  I wasn’t ready for the moment that it actually happened (as I don't think you should be!) and all I could do then was cry.  It took me a while to realize that it actually happened and smiles commenced from then on! :-)

My fiancé and I have been dating for about six years now and our family and friends have been waiting on the moment when we announced our engagement.  (We already know the subsequent questions regarding an actual date and children). However, anybody who has been married before or even considering it knows what a very personal decision it is, not to be made on external timelines. To conclude that thought, we know that everyone is happy for us and is looking to celebrate our union.

As of today, we’ve only been engaged for less than three weeks and I’ve already had to be talked off the ledge.  Planning a wedding can easily become a part-time job.  There are so many things to consider.  First, there is the budget.  Then of course, when, where, how many guests, the wedding party, colors, the dress and the list goes on.

Of course, I am looking forward to the big day and for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with my handsome, supportive and loving teammate and partner!  In the meantime, I am hoping to document the journey on the road to #foreverett (t's 2016; there is a hashtag!).  Enjoy the ride!

Adulthood: The Gift and the Curse

Being an adult is equivalent to getting slapped in the face at times.  It has the potential to be quite brutal. 

But let me rewind and give a disclaimer.  I do not want to appear as though I’m complaining. This is just a real conversation that I’ve with myself and others around me.

The reality of adulthood is that of course, there is no one telling you what you should do, how to do it and when to do it.  As a child, particularly in those teenage years, nobody wants to hear that! Adulthood slapped me in the face when I had to start buying my own groceries.  Do you know how much a gallon of milk costs?!  Grocery shopping used to be fun.  You know, when your parents were paying and swiping their debit cards.  I’ve always been one that paid attention to how much things cost, but my mom was still the one footing the bill.  Ever started putting things back once you see the bill getting higher and higher? Did you start reconsidering certain brands and thought Great Value would work just fine? If so, you got slapped by adulthood.

I always get anxious when I take my car in for an oil change.  Every single time.  I’m always waiting for the salesperson to hit me with the “you need $500 worth of repairs to your car.”  Well, it happened just last week.  I’m just trying to be an upstanding citizen, get my car inspected so that I can renew my tags and then, it got real.  I couldn’t pass the inspection until I had nearly $500 worth of work done to fix the wheel bearing and sway bars (whatever those are).  I had to make a major life decision (*cue dramatics*) in a short period of time.  I ended up getting one thing fixed, but obviously, I still have to go back and get the rest taken care of.  I get it.  It comes with the territory of having a car, but still…

I don’t recall being that teenager claiming to be grown right at the age of 18.  I claimed independence, but knew I still needed my mom. (Fact: I called her every day during my first few weeks of college).  Even as I share this and laugh about the reality of adulthood, I’m grateful.  Once it hits, it is truly a matter of staying on top of things, facing responsibilities head on and handling business.   

Can we agree that daycare life seems to be the best?  Who doesn’t love afternoon naps and snacks?