Keep it a whole 100: Marriage and Motherhood

The date: December 19, 2015.
The occasion: my Mr. asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.

I distinctly remember one of my line sisters, who is a veteran in the marriage game, telling me that she was saving her congratulatory message.  "Marriage is hard," she reminded me and now I can say, "Where is the lie?"

I love my husband and without a doubt, I know that he loves me.  I move his stuff (not on purpose all the time!) and he sometimes smashes all the cookies.  Both are reasons for a side eye, but certainly not a separation.  The beautiful part about being married to my husband for me is that I always have a person to listen and challenge me when needed.  It doesn't hurt that he's a fine specimen to look at :-)

My idea of marriage is shaped by what I saw it to be, as well as what I know works for my relationship.  I used to be slightly jaded on the idea of marriage as I've watched too many people I love end up divorced or even in these long-term situationships that probably deserved to end years ago.  In 2018, I do think sadly that the idea of marriage is shaped by weddings and the type of turn up that one day can bring.  My Instagram feed is full of fly wedding dresses, heavy decorated event spaces and all I can think about is, "How much did THAT cost?!"

We've been married for almost a year and a half and before our first anniversary, we added a bundle of joy to the equation.  Nearly seven months old, she is the most awesome baby ever!  For me, every day is a negotiation between ensuring that I first take care of myself, but also keeping in mind the commitment I made to my husband and what I want motherhood to look like for me.  I had a few students tell me they couldn't wait to have kids and I quickly let them know that they are not about this life anytime soon.  Babies require much more than cute clothes...

What keeps me grounded in navigating all of these roles and spaces, plus keeping my sanity is remembering perfection is not the goal.  It's remembering that teamwork makes the dream work.  It is asking family members to take the baby for a few hours and understanding when a reset is needed.  Marriage, motherhood, the combination of both or neither isn't for everyone.  For me, this is a life that I love and something that I'll keep working hard to make work!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a date!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a date…

I saw one of my high school English teachers last week and upon looking at my left hand, she says, “I don’t think your fiance has any more money!”

We both laughed and I would agree that my ring is gorgeous, beautiful and I absolutely love it.  Usually, people want to know if I picked it out and I give all kudos to my husband-to-be as he did it all by himself! (High fives and gold stars all around :-)

Of course when news of an engagement is revealed, the next question is, “when is the date?” The cool part here is that we actually have one: April 29, 2017! The reasoning behind the date? It doesn’t fall within the traditional wedding months of May, June and July, but there is also a chance that the weather will be just right as spring kicks into high gear.  The other cool part of the day is that is my uncle’s birthday and before the date was set in stone, I was sure to ask him if he didn’t mind sharing this day with us.

As a bride to be, I definitely already have my Pinterest board on deck and even have all of my bridesmaids on deck.  I know that I am totally underestimating the enormity of planning a wedding, but I am actually looking forward to the process.

Nearly five months in and I think we are making slow, but sure progress.  Mark your calendars everyone. We look forward to seeing you in Kansas City a year from now!

P.S. Here is a link to our wedding website: https://www.theknot.com/us/crystal-nance-and-marquis-everett-apr-2017