Born Bright: A Reflection

I started reading Born Bright: A Young Girl's Journey from Nothing to Something in America by C. Nicole Mason on a Friday night.  While I made it through about 20 pages, I eventually found myself sleep and the book on my side.  Not because I wasn’t drawn in, but being the washed almost 30-year-old that I am, I can’t stay up past 10 PM at times!

I picked the book back up on Saturday afternoon and was done with the 200 plus page book by early evening.   The author recounts her life, growing up in California.  Born to a teen mother, she didn’t realize growing up that she was poor.  So many expectations, or lack thereof, were placed on her based on her skin color and socioeconomic status.  I identified with her the most as she talked about how much she enjoyed school and found solace in being the best student she could be. I, too, loved school and this is just another reminder of the impact that teachers and schools can have on the lives of students. 

As I reflect, there are so many elements of the story that pulled me in.  Despite the instances of doubt, struggle and pain Mason experienced, as a reader, I was ready for the silver lining, the wins she would experience, as well as the wins for her family.  I was ready for the moment where her mother began to show her love, for the moment when she would be saved from being violated by her stepfather, for the relationship between her and her father to be better.  Seeing the letters PhD behind the author’s name was proof that she had risen above her childhood challenges, but reading about the moments leading up to her arriving on campus at Howard University made me happy and excited for her and the many students in similar situations.

From the beginning of the book, I began visualizing Mason as a young girl, along with the places and people in her life.  I thought about how I could see her story woven in the stories of my own life and the lives of the students I have the opportunity to serve on a daily basis.   In working with students, I sometimes have to think of the privileges I have been afforded, such as attending a college prep high school, attending and graduating from college and holding a master’s degree..  I’ve been reminded on a few instances that some of our students truly desire to attend college, yet the process of getting there is so cumbersome.  It’s not just applying and being accepted.  There’s financial aid, persistence, retention and graduation – topics that each need their own posts to tackle.

What are my takeaways? To continue to listen. While it is important to have boundaries with students, it is also important for them to have cheerleaders for them along the way.  My boundary is that I don’t answer texts and emails after 9 PM, but I recognize the resource role that I play with students.

I am also reminded why it is important to ask questions and to be culturally competent.  One day, a student started sharing photos of her quinceañera with me and while I have a general understanding of the celebration, I took the chance to probe and learn even more.  That conversation grew larger as another student shared her perspective on why she chose not to have a quinceañera.  When students feel like they can be open and have trust in adults, it only helps relationships grow. 

I recommend that anyone who works with students read this book and stay in constant reflection on how they can continue the role of serving as a resource.  Our students need us and I’m committed to being there for them.

Mentorship Matters

I had a moment today.  

I went to visit my Little Sister today and as I was preparing to leave and let her know that I would see her next week, she gives me a hug.  I left her school, feeling all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

It might not sound like much, but it made me realize that I matter to her.  Every week, she looks forward to our visits and her constant question each week is, “How much time do we have left?” If I miss a day or even have to switch from a Wednesday to a different day, she wants to know why.

Growing up, I had a Big Sister for a while and I would start to look forward to seeing her as well.  The difference in being a Little Sister and having a Little Sister is that my Big Sister would pick me up from home and I visit my Little at her school each week.  (Big Brothers Big Sisters offers different ways of involvement to fit each volunteers lifestyle, school-based and community-based).  I didn’t realize the importance of this relationship and others like it until I got older.  Why would someone just volunteer their time (and money in some instances) to spend time with me? Maybe my Little Sister wonders the same thing at times, but it all makes sense now.

This concept of “the village” is real.  Different people come around to play different roles in the lives of children.  My Little Sister is one of six children, so the hour we spend together each week is an hour where it is all about her and I believe that it is important.  The popular conversation about misguided youth continues, but we, the village and community, have to look at ourselves at some point and ask, “What are we doing to help?”

As much as I try, I know that individually I can’t change the world, but I can work within my scope to be that mentor, volunteer and positive influence on a young child who simply needs a reminder that someone cares. 

For those of you who are already mentors and volunteers, remember that you matter.  My challenge to others who have not yet accepted the role, don’t be afraid. Perfection is not required for this role.  All you need is a willing heart and your time.      

Mentorship is everybody's business

"You can't aim for what you can't see."

I just finished reading one of the most inspirational books ever, "The Pact," written by three Black males who made a collective decision as high school friends to become doctors.  They faced adversity no doubt, but they stayed dedicated to their goal and accomplished it.  The quote above signifies the biggest takeaway that I got from the book.  

A part of my job is to create and implement pipeline programming for high school students of color, with the goal of exposing students to the possibilities of a legal education and higher education in general.  Many students in the Des Moines area see Drake as a school that is not accessible, with people that do not look like them on its campus.  With these programs, we have the opportunity to change the perspective of these students and allow them to visit a college campus, sometimes for the very first time in their lives.  Once they visit campus, the students can better visualize themselves as college students (and maybe even Drake students one day!)
Think about this: how did you know what you wanted to be (or didn't want to be) when you grew up? There was some level of exposure.  

This book (and the quote above) reinforces the importance of modeling and mentoring.  I used to want to be a teacher, but was shut down (with love) by my mother who has been an educator for nearly 30 years.  I used to "play" school for fun and I attribute this desire to be in the field of education based on my exposure to the profession.  I've found my way into the field in my own way, but I could have easily followed down another path and lived up to the low expectations that exist for girls who grow up without their incarcerated fathers (another blog topic for another day...)  

Mentoring is equally important and the authors of "The Pact" talk about this as a key component in their lives.  They realized how positive influences could make a difference and they sought out resources on their campus and even threw parties to raise money so they could set up a mentoring program for students in Newark, New Jersey schools.  Again, the modeling and mentoring is key.  The students from the local schools were able to establish relationships with college students, something that maybe they could have only dreamed about at one point.  I think about my role as a Big Sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Iowa and know that I am doing something positive when it comes to having a relationship with my Little Sister, even if some of the effects are not seen for years to come.  

My challenge to my peers (and anyone else who has the opportunity) is to be a mentor/model in some capacity.  We have no room to complain about the next generation being "lost" or without hope when we have the power to help break cycles.  Another reason why I love Delta is that they have taken the lead on this with the establishment and implementation of programs such as Delta GEMS, Delta Academy and EMBODI and I am excited about how I can also help with these programs in the forthcoming program year.

This task of mentoring does not come without its challenges.  Even while mentoring young people in capacities outside of the home, the reality is that we have to combat issues of uninvolved parents, poverty, generational curses, peer pressure, among others.  We see in "The Pact" where peer pressure was a positive thing and became about the men being accountability partners for each other.  They didn't let one person fall and that is how we must be with ourselves, then encourage the next generation to do the same with their peers.