Shifting Priorities

A few days ago, I almost missed a friend’s birthday.  A legitimate “oh, sh*t!” once I saw a post on social media.  For about two seconds, I started to reevaluate my role as a friend, yet quickly remembered that everything was fine.  Any of my closest friends know that in the past and if nothing else, they at least would get a birthday card from me.  If we are close enough, their parents would get one as well.  Even better, their babies would get a gift from Auntie Crystal.  However, the way my life is set up now, a text is probably the best I can do and that is said with as much love as possible.

I had a conversation with my husband-to-be about this as even for his birthday this year, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Just a few years ago, 40 for 40: The Birthday Edition was created.  I reached out to his family, friends and fraternity brothers, persistently asking them to send videos of them sending birthday wishes. Simply stated: the best gift ever! In the years since then, I’ve always wondered how I would ever be able to top that.  He said more than once this year how much he appreciated the acknowledgment that he did receive on his special day.  I listened to what he had to say the third time around and by those words, I remember why he rocks: it’s the simple things that matter to him.

I’ve been able to reflect over the past few days and truly think about how I see myself in the relationships I have with others.  I usually come up with the ideas for family gatherings and celebrations and do my best to acknowledge the meaningful moments in the lives of those that I love.  In my reflection, I’ve come to terms with the change in relationships.  Distance makes a difference and life is simply different for me.  With a wedding to plan, a family to nurture, over 300 students to help steer into life after high school, plus have time for myself, I’m easily spent.  It is best for my self-care and preservation to recognize my capacity and work within that.  This doesn’t mean that those special occasions of my loved ones aren’t important anymore: it’s just that I cannot celebrate every event with pomp and circumstance.  Instead, I have to choose wisely. This works both ways: I know that life calls others to focus on other things as well and I don’t expect they will be able to support every thing that I have going on either.  

Bottom line: you get to make the decision about what is important to you at any given moment.  The priorities of your high school, college and post-college years are likely going to be different and that is perfectly fine.  Don’t get it twisted: when it is time for it to go down with my people, it goes down!

Adulthood: The Gift and the Curse

Being an adult is equivalent to getting slapped in the face at times.  It has the potential to be quite brutal. 

But let me rewind and give a disclaimer.  I do not want to appear as though I’m complaining. This is just a real conversation that I’ve with myself and others around me.

The reality of adulthood is that of course, there is no one telling you what you should do, how to do it and when to do it.  As a child, particularly in those teenage years, nobody wants to hear that! Adulthood slapped me in the face when I had to start buying my own groceries.  Do you know how much a gallon of milk costs?!  Grocery shopping used to be fun.  You know, when your parents were paying and swiping their debit cards.  I’ve always been one that paid attention to how much things cost, but my mom was still the one footing the bill.  Ever started putting things back once you see the bill getting higher and higher? Did you start reconsidering certain brands and thought Great Value would work just fine? If so, you got slapped by adulthood.

I always get anxious when I take my car in for an oil change.  Every single time.  I’m always waiting for the salesperson to hit me with the “you need $500 worth of repairs to your car.”  Well, it happened just last week.  I’m just trying to be an upstanding citizen, get my car inspected so that I can renew my tags and then, it got real.  I couldn’t pass the inspection until I had nearly $500 worth of work done to fix the wheel bearing and sway bars (whatever those are).  I had to make a major life decision (*cue dramatics*) in a short period of time.  I ended up getting one thing fixed, but obviously, I still have to go back and get the rest taken care of.  I get it.  It comes with the territory of having a car, but still…

I don’t recall being that teenager claiming to be grown right at the age of 18.  I claimed independence, but knew I still needed my mom. (Fact: I called her every day during my first few weeks of college).  Even as I share this and laugh about the reality of adulthood, I’m grateful.  Once it hits, it is truly a matter of staying on top of things, facing responsibilities head on and handling business.   

Can we agree that daycare life seems to be the best?  Who doesn’t love afternoon naps and snacks?