Mentorship Matters

I had a moment today.  

I went to visit my Little Sister today and as I was preparing to leave and let her know that I would see her next week, she gives me a hug.  I left her school, feeling all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

It might not sound like much, but it made me realize that I matter to her.  Every week, she looks forward to our visits and her constant question each week is, “How much time do we have left?” If I miss a day or even have to switch from a Wednesday to a different day, she wants to know why.

Growing up, I had a Big Sister for a while and I would start to look forward to seeing her as well.  The difference in being a Little Sister and having a Little Sister is that my Big Sister would pick me up from home and I visit my Little at her school each week.  (Big Brothers Big Sisters offers different ways of involvement to fit each volunteers lifestyle, school-based and community-based).  I didn’t realize the importance of this relationship and others like it until I got older.  Why would someone just volunteer their time (and money in some instances) to spend time with me? Maybe my Little Sister wonders the same thing at times, but it all makes sense now.

This concept of “the village” is real.  Different people come around to play different roles in the lives of children.  My Little Sister is one of six children, so the hour we spend together each week is an hour where it is all about her and I believe that it is important.  The popular conversation about misguided youth continues, but we, the village and community, have to look at ourselves at some point and ask, “What are we doing to help?”

As much as I try, I know that individually I can’t change the world, but I can work within my scope to be that mentor, volunteer and positive influence on a young child who simply needs a reminder that someone cares. 

For those of you who are already mentors and volunteers, remember that you matter.  My challenge to others who have not yet accepted the role, don’t be afraid. Perfection is not required for this role.  All you need is a willing heart and your time.      

Let’s Celebrate Fathers on Father’s Day

Honestly, I’ve never really celebrated Father’s Day.  My brother and I were raised by our wonderful single mother and the story goes just as you might think; my father was not around to help raise us.  There were male influences in my life such as my uncle, who although doesn’t have any children of his own, has always been around as an additional support system.

Although the day has come and gone this year, I noticed this year how the holiday has turned into a second celebration of sorts for single mothers.   One of the biggest reasons I noticed that provided justification for this: “My mother has played the role of both mother and father in my life.”

Frankly, that is (nearly) impossible. 

I read an article on Bossip (click the link for the article and don’t judge me in the process) about Hallmark Cards and its promotion of this concept.  Apparently, the company has produced a card that people can purchase for their mother on Father’s Day.  My issue is that the card is produced under the Mahogany line, which is targeted toward the Black community.  It sounds like a promotion of stereotypes within our community, the one that says single parenthood is the norm.

As great as my mother was and will always be, there is no way she can fill the void my father left.  She truly did the best she could with the circumstances given.  However, there are some memories I’ve seen other female friends experience that I will never know anything about such as my father being present on prom night or the feeling of being Daddy’s little girl.  I watch my brother with my niece and smile on the inside, mostly because I can tell she loves her dad and also because I know that she will get to feel what I've missed out on.

Maybe this celebration of single mothers on Father’s Day is a matter of us breaking with tradition, but in my opinion, there is no need to in this case.  We do more acknowledgement of absent fathers than we do of fathers who play their roles well.  I don’t believe in giving people accolades for things they are supposed to do, but we must learn to celebrate the positive instead of harboring on the negative.  I also recognize that there are many men, including those close to me, who are tackiling this fatherhood thing without proper modeling and doing a very good job at it. 

I do think this should further the discussion about the need for fathers to take their rightful place in their children’s lives.  Even if the romantic relationship doesn’t work out between the mother and father, that is no excuse for absence on the part of either parent. (As hard as the concept may be to grasp, there are some absent mothers as well).  

And with that being said, don’t wait until designated holidays to show appreciation for your parents. Any day is a good day to do so.  I only ask that when it is time to let people shine, whether it be Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or their birthday, please let them have their moment.  A final thought: check out "From Fatherless to Fatherhood," a documentary which explores the importance of fatherhood.

Mentorship is everybody's business

"You can't aim for what you can't see."

I just finished reading one of the most inspirational books ever, "The Pact," written by three Black males who made a collective decision as high school friends to become doctors.  They faced adversity no doubt, but they stayed dedicated to their goal and accomplished it.  The quote above signifies the biggest takeaway that I got from the book.  

A part of my job is to create and implement pipeline programming for high school students of color, with the goal of exposing students to the possibilities of a legal education and higher education in general.  Many students in the Des Moines area see Drake as a school that is not accessible, with people that do not look like them on its campus.  With these programs, we have the opportunity to change the perspective of these students and allow them to visit a college campus, sometimes for the very first time in their lives.  Once they visit campus, the students can better visualize themselves as college students (and maybe even Drake students one day!)
Think about this: how did you know what you wanted to be (or didn't want to be) when you grew up? There was some level of exposure.  

This book (and the quote above) reinforces the importance of modeling and mentoring.  I used to want to be a teacher, but was shut down (with love) by my mother who has been an educator for nearly 30 years.  I used to "play" school for fun and I attribute this desire to be in the field of education based on my exposure to the profession.  I've found my way into the field in my own way, but I could have easily followed down another path and lived up to the low expectations that exist for girls who grow up without their incarcerated fathers (another blog topic for another day...)  

Mentoring is equally important and the authors of "The Pact" talk about this as a key component in their lives.  They realized how positive influences could make a difference and they sought out resources on their campus and even threw parties to raise money so they could set up a mentoring program for students in Newark, New Jersey schools.  Again, the modeling and mentoring is key.  The students from the local schools were able to establish relationships with college students, something that maybe they could have only dreamed about at one point.  I think about my role as a Big Sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Iowa and know that I am doing something positive when it comes to having a relationship with my Little Sister, even if some of the effects are not seen for years to come.  

My challenge to my peers (and anyone else who has the opportunity) is to be a mentor/model in some capacity.  We have no room to complain about the next generation being "lost" or without hope when we have the power to help break cycles.  Another reason why I love Delta is that they have taken the lead on this with the establishment and implementation of programs such as Delta GEMS, Delta Academy and EMBODI and I am excited about how I can also help with these programs in the forthcoming program year.

This task of mentoring does not come without its challenges.  Even while mentoring young people in capacities outside of the home, the reality is that we have to combat issues of uninvolved parents, poverty, generational curses, peer pressure, among others.  We see in "The Pact" where peer pressure was a positive thing and became about the men being accountability partners for each other.  They didn't let one person fall and that is how we must be with ourselves, then encourage the next generation to do the same with their peers.  

Looking Back and Pressing On: 2012 Reflections

2012.

I must admit, this year overall was great. I'd give it a gold star!

I felt the need to have a moment of reflection upon this year as it ends and 2013 takes over.

One word to describe this year: blessings. Major accomplishments and many firsts. I had an amazing opportunity to travel on my first international trip to South Africa and Botswana. On that trip, I ate antelope and crocodile. Ask me if I thought that would ever happen in the US...

I had the chance to go hiking for the first time this year and even tried my luck at skiing. Throw in two major haircuts and a milestone birthday too!

I was able to continue toward my journey of visiting the 50 states this year and added Idaho, Oregon, Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Maryland to my list. (25 states down, 25 more to go!) Oh yeah, I finished a masters degree, a goal that I set out to accomplish by 25 and instead had the completed diploma on my wall at 24.

Relocating back home was also pretty major. While I began the year as an Arizona resident, I was determined not to finish it. I'm very grateful for my new job at my alma mater where I'm blessed with the opportunity to talk with prospective law students all across the country.  (Not to mention the chance to rack up these frequent flyer miles and hotel points). 

I have no desire to make resolutions for 2013, for many reasons.  The most important thing for me is to constantly strive toward self-improvement and I don’t need a calendar to dictate that.   In this moment, I’d just like to keep basking in the blessings that manifested themselves in the year 2012.

Skiing adventures in Denver

Robben Island (South Africa)

Graduation day!

Mt. Elden (Flagstaff, AZ)

25 years old already?!

I've been 25 for a week already. It was also a week ago today that President Barack Obama won his reelection bid to the White House. It's crazy how much we anticipate important dates. The date comes, goes and time continues to fly.

But to me, this milestone is important and deserving of reflection. I remember being a 15 year old high school freshman fast forward 10 years, I'm a 25 year old working professional. 10 years ago is when I met some people who I can still call friends to this day, friends who are successful in their own right.

My 24th year of life will be defined by my trip to South Africa and Botswana. An amazing experience that I never saw coming, yet I'm so grateful. At 23, I made it a goal to earn a masters degree by the age of 25 (see previous blog post), but through a crazy grind, dedication and God's grace, the mission was accomplished.

What does year #25 have in store? 

Continued preparation for the future, no doubt. I'd like to have a PhD behind my name soon, but I believe it is important to do it when I'm ready.  After being in school since the age of 3, I think I could take a year or two off.  Traveling is definitely in my future as well.  My mission to travel the 50 states is halfway complete.  I'd like to continue to grow, to challenge myself, stretch and expand.  

For the next 357 days, I'll proudly rock and represent 25 the best way I know how! 

Nelson Mandela: His Life and Legacy in South Africa

In my opinion, a person has to visit South Africa to truly understand the impact that Nelson Mandela or at least this is how it happened for me.  We were required to read Mandela’s memoir A Long Walk to Freedom in preparation for the trip.  Honestly, I read about 200 pages before departure and more pages on the long flights to Cape Town.  While reading the book, the reader gets a better understanding of how many events in Mandela’s life set the stage for what was to come later.  Another class assignment was to talk to people about their feelings regarding Nelson Mandela and in contrast to American politics, he is not a polarizing figure.  One cab driver said that Mandela is the reason why Black people have their freedom. 

En route to Robben Island

We visited Robben Island, the prison where he spent 18 years of his life.  To get to Robben Island, one has to take a ferry ride.  From personal experience, it is quite unstable and if the waves are high, you can certainly feel the impact.  On the ferry ride, I began to think about how Mandela’s family was able to visit him on the island and after reading the 600 page memoir, I learned that Winnie Mandela was only able to visit Robben Island a handful of times over the 18 years he was there.  She endured the ferry ride only to have 30 minutes of a non-contact visit with her husband. 

On the grounds of Robben Island

Nelson Mandela's cell 

Dietary restrictions based on race for prisoners

We also got to see Mandela’s cell, as well as the lime quarry where he had to work for years and the area where he and other prisoners were forced to break rocks to keep them busy during the day.  Prisoners were forced to sleep on straw mats and were subject to horrible diets.  Because Mandela was a political prisoner, he was isolated from the majority of prisoners because officials believed that he would influence them.  (Apparently, they did realize that Mandela would still have means of communicating with them).  Again, the book came to life for me and the visit was nothing short of humbling.  Today, Robben Island is used as a museum and museum staff members live on the grounds.  

Many other places in South Africa are dedicated to the life and legacy of Nelson Mandela, such as the Apartheid Museum.  (No pictures were allowed inside, sorry!)  Inside the museum holds a red Benz that was given to him upon his release from prison after 27 years.  You can easily find Mandela’s memoir and other books written about his life at the museums and in special sections at airport bookstores.  


Today, Mandela is 94 years old, married to his third wife, and living comfortably in a wealthy, gated community in Johannesburg.  It is quite the contrast to his childhood and confinement for 27 years of his life, yet well-deserved for a man who sacrificed his personal life to be the voice of the people.

Upon exiting Robben Island - very powerful

 

Post Township Visit Reflections

In the past five days, I’ve probably experienced every emotion possible, including anger and downright disgust.  Yes, there are parts of South Africa where people do not have clean sources of water or reliable sources of electricity.  It doesn’t seem like this should exist when there are so many people living in luxury and this is the contrast that is true in South Africa (and parts of the United States for that matter).  The legalized system of apartheid ended in 1994 with the first ever democratic election in South Africa, but that doesn’t mean the remnants of history don’t still play out nearly 20 years later. 

            We went to visit Langa, a township located right outside of Cape Town and the difference between the poor and those with steady incomes was very evident, even within this community.  Our tour guide was born and raised in the township and spoke of his home with so much pride.  He currently resides in the township and sounded like he had no intention to move out anytime soon.  As we walked through the area, he spoke to everyone and the kids playing in the streets stopped and ran to him without hesitation.  In all honesty, I felt like I was in the midst of a Feed the Children commercial, as the same children showed our group the same amount of friendliness, yet they seemed to look like we would be able to provide them with something, probably money or food.
           Some people in the group talked about how cute the kids were. Last time I checked, there were poor kids (of all races) in our own backyard even, so what makes these little Black kids so “cute?” Some even remarked about how they wanted to live in the area.  Very few people will relinquish the luxuries they have to live in shacks, where they have no control over the elements, stray dogs, trash in the street, unclean water and unreliable sources of electricity.  *cue all sorts of side-eyes*
           None the less, the experience in the township was a learning experience.  I saw pride among residents, a true sense of community and family.  This also held true in the second township we visited, Soweto, located outside of Johannesburg.  Soweto is also the township in which Nelson Mandela lived in before spending nearly three decades in prison.  Everybody seems to know everybody and they represent for where they live.  I can’t say that I would want to live in either place, but that is not the point of this trip and the visit to the townships.  The point is to understand how freedom is not freedom for everyone.  Life for Blacks is better, but there is still more work to do here (and at home) in order to provide equal access to education, health care and employment for all. 

More Motherland moments coming soon!