Let’s Celebrate Fathers on Father’s Day

Honestly, I’ve never really celebrated Father’s Day.  My brother and I were raised by our wonderful single mother and the story goes just as you might think; my father was not around to help raise us.  There were male influences in my life such as my uncle, who although doesn’t have any children of his own, has always been around as an additional support system.

Although the day has come and gone this year, I noticed this year how the holiday has turned into a second celebration of sorts for single mothers.   One of the biggest reasons I noticed that provided justification for this: “My mother has played the role of both mother and father in my life.”

Frankly, that is (nearly) impossible. 

I read an article on Bossip (click the link for the article and don’t judge me in the process) about Hallmark Cards and its promotion of this concept.  Apparently, the company has produced a card that people can purchase for their mother on Father’s Day.  My issue is that the card is produced under the Mahogany line, which is targeted toward the Black community.  It sounds like a promotion of stereotypes within our community, the one that says single parenthood is the norm.

As great as my mother was and will always be, there is no way she can fill the void my father left.  She truly did the best she could with the circumstances given.  However, there are some memories I’ve seen other female friends experience that I will never know anything about such as my father being present on prom night or the feeling of being Daddy’s little girl.  I watch my brother with my niece and smile on the inside, mostly because I can tell she loves her dad and also because I know that she will get to feel what I've missed out on.

Maybe this celebration of single mothers on Father’s Day is a matter of us breaking with tradition, but in my opinion, there is no need to in this case.  We do more acknowledgement of absent fathers than we do of fathers who play their roles well.  I don’t believe in giving people accolades for things they are supposed to do, but we must learn to celebrate the positive instead of harboring on the negative.  I also recognize that there are many men, including those close to me, who are tackiling this fatherhood thing without proper modeling and doing a very good job at it. 

I do think this should further the discussion about the need for fathers to take their rightful place in their children’s lives.  Even if the romantic relationship doesn’t work out between the mother and father, that is no excuse for absence on the part of either parent. (As hard as the concept may be to grasp, there are some absent mothers as well).  

And with that being said, don’t wait until designated holidays to show appreciation for your parents. Any day is a good day to do so.  I only ask that when it is time to let people shine, whether it be Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or their birthday, please let them have their moment.  A final thought: check out "From Fatherless to Fatherhood," a documentary which explores the importance of fatherhood.