A few days ago, I almost missed a friend’s birthday. A legitimate “oh, sh*t!” once I saw a post on social media. For about two seconds, I started to reevaluate my role as a friend, yet quickly remembered that everything was fine. Any of my closest friends know that in the past and if nothing else, they at least would get a birthday card from me. If we are close enough, their parents would get one as well. Even better, their babies would get a gift from Auntie Crystal. However, the way my life is set up now, a text is probably the best I can do and that is said with as much love as possible.
I had a conversation with my husband-to-be about this as even for his birthday this year, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Just a few years ago, 40 for 40: The Birthday Edition was created. I reached out to his family, friends and fraternity brothers, persistently asking them to send videos of them sending birthday wishes. Simply stated: the best gift ever! In the years since then, I’ve always wondered how I would ever be able to top that. He said more than once this year how much he appreciated the acknowledgment that he did receive on his special day. I listened to what he had to say the third time around and by those words, I remember why he rocks: it’s the simple things that matter to him.
I’ve been able to reflect over the past few days and truly think about how I see myself in the relationships I have with others. I usually come up with the ideas for family gatherings and celebrations and do my best to acknowledge the meaningful moments in the lives of those that I love. In my reflection, I’ve come to terms with the change in relationships. Distance makes a difference and life is simply different for me. With a wedding to plan, a family to nurture, over 300 students to help steer into life after high school, plus have time for myself, I’m easily spent. It is best for my self-care and preservation to recognize my capacity and work within that. This doesn’t mean that those special occasions of my loved ones aren’t important anymore: it’s just that I cannot celebrate every event with pomp and circumstance. Instead, I have to choose wisely. This works both ways: I know that life calls others to focus on other things as well and I don’t expect they will be able to support every thing that I have going on either.
Bottom line: you get to make the decision about what is important to you at any given moment. The priorities of your high school, college and post-college years are likely going to be different and that is perfectly fine. Don’t get it twisted: when it is time for it to go down with my people, it goes down!
