The date: December 19, 2015.
The occasion: my Mr. asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.
I distinctly remember one of my line sisters, who is a veteran in the marriage game, telling me that she was saving her congratulatory message. "Marriage is hard," she reminded me and now I can say, "Where is the lie?"
I love my husband and without a doubt, I know that he loves me. I move his stuff (not on purpose all the time!) and he sometimes smashes all the cookies. Both are reasons for a side eye, but certainly not a separation. The beautiful part about being married to my husband for me is that I always have a person to listen and challenge me when needed. It doesn't hurt that he's a fine specimen to look at :-)
My idea of marriage is shaped by what I saw it to be, as well as what I know works for my relationship. I used to be slightly jaded on the idea of marriage as I've watched too many people I love end up divorced or even in these long-term situationships that probably deserved to end years ago. In 2018, I do think sadly that the idea of marriage is shaped by weddings and the type of turn up that one day can bring. My Instagram feed is full of fly wedding dresses, heavy decorated event spaces and all I can think about is, "How much did THAT cost?!"
We've been married for almost a year and a half and before our first anniversary, we added a bundle of joy to the equation. Nearly seven months old, she is the most awesome baby ever! For me, every day is a negotiation between ensuring that I first take care of myself, but also keeping in mind the commitment I made to my husband and what I want motherhood to look like for me. I had a few students tell me they couldn't wait to have kids and I quickly let them know that they are not about this life anytime soon. Babies require much more than cute clothes...
What keeps me grounded in navigating all of these roles and spaces, plus keeping my sanity is remembering perfection is not the goal. It's remembering that teamwork makes the dream work. It is asking family members to take the baby for a few hours and understanding when a reset is needed. Marriage, motherhood, the combination of both or neither isn't for everyone. For me, this is a life that I love and something that I'll keep working hard to make work!
