"Just Say No!"

A famous line quoted by President Reagan in the 1980’s that became a slogan for the DARE program. While it sounded good in theory, we all know that addiction, left untreated, is stronger than any slogan.

What was the reaction to those who couldn’t say no? Harsh drugs laws that sent them to prison over treatment.  Black faces, crack babies and out of control inner cities were the face of what became the war on drugs.  Congress made it legal to send a person to prison longer for possession of crack vs. cocaine. While part of the intention might have been to reach those selling drugs, the casualties included low-level offenders who made a decision to carry a package for a few dollars or who were in fact in need of rehabilitation over punishment. 

I struggle with hearing about the opioid crisis in 2017 for a few reasons. As acknowledged before, addiction is real. Those who are seeking help should absolutely receive it to better themselves.  It will ultimately stop the overcrowding of jails and the feeding into a system that for the most part is missing the rehabilitation and correction it claims to provide.

Fast forward to 2017, the language is even different. The narrative now is about seemly innocent people who got caught up. The narrative now describes addicts who were prescribed legal painkillers for work-related injuries and post-surgery, and after that ran out, they turned to cheaper and more accessible drugs such as heroin.  Pictures of them smiling in their high school yearbooks are blasted across the screen.  In contrast, the drug epidemic of 80’s does not extend so much grace to those addicts, their parental status or their lives before addiction.    What happened to just say no now?

President Obama and his administration acknowledged the disparities in drug laws and made adjustments. He even commuted a record number of sentences for those convicted under those laws, offering new opportunities to the formerly incarcerated.  Even with that small glimmer of hope, the current attorney general’s directive threatens the reform that had bipartisan support.  A directive from his office states that prosecutors should seek mandatory minimum sentences for any drug-related crime, showing support for punishment over treatment.

Clearly, those in favor or treating drug addiction with jail just don’t understand what it will really take to combat the issue.  However, it is possible they do, but again, grace only goes so far in under politicians who believe in a “law and order” type of county.  My take? Let’s help any and every person battling addiction who asks for it and end the criminalization of addiction.

Documented: A Hair Journey

Me and my hair have had quite the relationship.  It has had length, it’s been cut short, asymmetrical and recently, it’s been hidden under braids and crochet hair.  

God bless my mother, but as I look back at pictures, it is clear that hair was not her thing.  It’s a funny thing how life works out though.  Now, we’re having a daughter and I’m already thinking about how to make sure Baby Girl doesn’t look back at baby pictures and wonder what Mommy was thinking.

Since I started working as a teenager, I was able to take hair matters into my own hands and add regular visits to my beautician to the budget.  I was also somehow able to make those regular visits as a college student, but by then, I had figured out how to perfect my wrap.  I’m now at a stage where I’m trying to figure out exactly how I want to rock my hair for now.  It’s been four months since the last relaxer and before more chemicals are slapped on my head, I’m taking myself and my mane on a hair journey.  The goal here is to experiment with my hair now and learn some techniques for Baby Girl’s hair.

I spent some time last week watching YouTube videos of women demonstrating how to style their hair.  This isn’t the first time I’ve looked at videos for inspiration, but this time, I realize that I have to dedicate time and patience to this process, as well as an openness to rock styles that I have not done in the past.

Walgreens is currently having a buy one, get one half off sale on Shea Moisture products and it came right on time.  I’ve been using their shampoo, conditioner, as well as coconut oil on my hair recently as well.  I purchased the curl enhancing smoothie to add to my version of bantu knots; currently awaiting the results.

Shoutout to my husband for the encouragement to take on this process, as well as document it as it happens.  Looking forward to sharing the lessons learned!

What should a pregnant woman look like?

Women get pregnant and give birth everyday, but somehow pregnancy feels miraculous because it's happening to little ol' me.  I find myself rubbing my belly, imagining our baby's face and personality and thinking about how different life will look by the end of the year. 

Thanks to a Facebook memory, I was reminded that I once said I didn't think I would have children and that it would take a good man to change my mind (shoutout to Mr. Everett 😊). The post was written after hanging out with my friends boys, who at the time were one and two. 

But dear friends, we must chat about this whole pregnancy thing and make a clear PSA: pregnancy impacts each woman differently. Even more intriguing: the same woman can experience pregnancy differently in regards to how much weight she gains and how she carries the baby. I'm nearly 6 feet tall and weighed 165 pounds pre-pregnancy. 24 weeks into this amazing journey and I've gained about 15 pounds. "Oh, you just look like you ate" is probably one of the most common things I've heard about being pregnant and while it's not offensive, it is slightly dismissive of this tremendous task of carrying life. Admit it, our idea of a pregnancy, even at conception, is that of a waddling woman, carrying an additional 50 pounds. 

I'm thankful in so many ways: our baby girl is healthy, growing as she should and thus far, my pre-pregnancy clothes still fit. Only in the last month have I been asked, "When are you due?" 
Instead of comparing pregnancies, let's look at this task for what it is: amazing, miraculous and hard, yet rewarding work!

Go Fund Me: Humbling or Simply Played Out?

Let’s admit it: on average, you scroll across at least one Go Fund Me campaign a day via social media.  The stories can be heart wrenching.  A family is dealing with the sudden passing of a loved one and need assistance with a funeral.  A college student needs a little bit more money to cover the semester’s tuition.  Both needy causes, right?

Then, there are the ones that are absolutely insane: a woman asking for donations to cover her wedding expenses (Girl, bye!) I believe there was another campaign to help fund a young woman’s weekend in Vegas (Playa, please!) Both of these causes are not nearly as noble, but at least they are honest, right?! (*insert sarcasm*)

I can argue that it is quite humbling to share such personal information and be vulnerable to judgments when setting up a Go Fund Me campaign.  Questions about life insurance policies, or the lack thereof when a loved one passes away, can arise from Facebook friends.  There might even be questions about the legitimacy of it all.  Of course, it sounds good to say that once you give someone a gift, such as money, it is up to the person on how to spend it.  However, if you’ve asked for medical bill support, I might be salty if you use my money for an outfit…just sayin’!

There are some stories that make great fundraising stories, such as the father in Seattle who wanted to help with eliminating school lunch debt for kids at his child’s school.  He ended up surpassing that goal and even got more people to support the elimination of debt for students in the entire district.  I don’t claim to know why some campaigns are able to reach or exceed goals than others, but there is something to be said about causes that benefit a larger group of people versus one individual or family.

Finally, sharing a Go Fund Me page that you have not personally contributed to is something like a party foul.  No matter how many times you say it is a great cause, I don’t believe you until you put your money where your mouth is.   

All in all, I know that life happens and because of that, we have to deal with it in ways that we know how.  For some, that might include setting up a Go Fund Me campaign.  The way my account is set up, I couldn’t possible donate to each one that I see, even if my heart says otherwise.  What I do know for sure is, everybody got choices (*E-40 voice*), so you decide whether you can spare a few dollars for the cause or if you’ll keep scrolling the next time you see a campaign. 

Born Bright: A Reflection

I started reading Born Bright: A Young Girl's Journey from Nothing to Something in America by C. Nicole Mason on a Friday night.  While I made it through about 20 pages, I eventually found myself sleep and the book on my side.  Not because I wasn’t drawn in, but being the washed almost 30-year-old that I am, I can’t stay up past 10 PM at times!

I picked the book back up on Saturday afternoon and was done with the 200 plus page book by early evening.   The author recounts her life, growing up in California.  Born to a teen mother, she didn’t realize growing up that she was poor.  So many expectations, or lack thereof, were placed on her based on her skin color and socioeconomic status.  I identified with her the most as she talked about how much she enjoyed school and found solace in being the best student she could be. I, too, loved school and this is just another reminder of the impact that teachers and schools can have on the lives of students. 

As I reflect, there are so many elements of the story that pulled me in.  Despite the instances of doubt, struggle and pain Mason experienced, as a reader, I was ready for the silver lining, the wins she would experience, as well as the wins for her family.  I was ready for the moment where her mother began to show her love, for the moment when she would be saved from being violated by her stepfather, for the relationship between her and her father to be better.  Seeing the letters PhD behind the author’s name was proof that she had risen above her childhood challenges, but reading about the moments leading up to her arriving on campus at Howard University made me happy and excited for her and the many students in similar situations.

From the beginning of the book, I began visualizing Mason as a young girl, along with the places and people in her life.  I thought about how I could see her story woven in the stories of my own life and the lives of the students I have the opportunity to serve on a daily basis.   In working with students, I sometimes have to think of the privileges I have been afforded, such as attending a college prep high school, attending and graduating from college and holding a master’s degree..  I’ve been reminded on a few instances that some of our students truly desire to attend college, yet the process of getting there is so cumbersome.  It’s not just applying and being accepted.  There’s financial aid, persistence, retention and graduation – topics that each need their own posts to tackle.

What are my takeaways? To continue to listen. While it is important to have boundaries with students, it is also important for them to have cheerleaders for them along the way.  My boundary is that I don’t answer texts and emails after 9 PM, but I recognize the resource role that I play with students.

I am also reminded why it is important to ask questions and to be culturally competent.  One day, a student started sharing photos of her quinceañera with me and while I have a general understanding of the celebration, I took the chance to probe and learn even more.  That conversation grew larger as another student shared her perspective on why she chose not to have a quinceañera.  When students feel like they can be open and have trust in adults, it only helps relationships grow. 

I recommend that anyone who works with students read this book and stay in constant reflection on how they can continue the role of serving as a resource.  Our students need us and I’m committed to being there for them.